


idiopathic.

by badgertablet



Category: Undertale
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Papyrus Remembers Resets, Papyrus-centric, Sans Has Flaws, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, i enjoy hurting the boy, minor self-harm, the “remembering resets” part is only vaguely alluded to btw, this is really disjointed so!! i apologize, unknown disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 21:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12920631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgertablet/pseuds/badgertablet
Summary: from greek ἴδιος idios "one's own" and πάθος pathos "suffering", idiopathy means approximately "a disease of its own kind.”(there is something terribly wrong with Papyrus.)





	idiopathic.

Sometimes- sometimes it feels as if there is something wedged into Papyrus’s soul. It causes a throbbing, deep pain; Papyrus can’t really tell if it’s a physical issue or an emotional one. It doesn’t really matter.

(Either way he was not going to deal with it.) 

Usually he can brush off the throb throb throbbing that pounds throughout his whole being, but on rare occasions where the pain is too much he gasps and claws at his throat column. The burn of his phalanges when he does this does little to distract him from the other pain but it’s familiar- almost enough to ground him but not quite succeeding in its task. 

(If he wedges his fingers between two of his vertebrae it’s sometimes enough to snap him out of whatever the hell is happening to him. As soon as it does it’s task adrenaline races through him and his anxiety doubles by tenfold and his body shakes. After he comes down from the anxiety he removes his hands from his neck, absently noticing that his hands are trembling and he tries to ignore how he knows exactly how much pressure it would take to rip two vertebrae apart, separating his head from his body killing him-)

But, when it doesn’t work the pain simply increases. And, and then when the pain reaches it’s crescendo- it’s too much. It’s too painful and it flows throughout him, destroying any last vestiges of reality. It chokes him until everything becomes blurrier and blurrier until black creeps up onto the edges in his vision and he thinks ‘Am I going to die?’ before his vision just. Blacks out. 

When he comes back to reality he’s typically slumped over where ever he had been before the pain had come. His body shakes and his sockets are blank and empty and dark and his spine hurts from the position he had been in and deep within him some part of him is disappointed. Disappointed that the pain (wherever the hell it had come from) hadn’t killed him. 

(He hates waking up after these... “episodes.”)

Sans doesn’t know about the pain or the episodes- or, if he does, he doesn’t give Papyrus a clue that he does. Papyrus doesn’t really know which option is better. Sans not knowing just proves how apathetic he is and how little attention he pays Papyrus, how little he really knows his brother. But... the other option is almost worse. It would mean that Sans knew what Papyrus was going through. And just wasn’t helping or supporting his brother on purpose- he would be willingly turning a blind eye socket to his brother’s pain and that stings. 

(Papyrus doesn’t know which of the two options he wants to be true more.) 

After he’s rested from his most recent episode Papyrus clambers up and continues on with his day. There’s not anything to be done to fix these episodes- he doesn’t know where they’re coming from, but he knows instinctively that he can’t stop them. It’s out of control for him. So, he continues on with his routine. 

(And then when the next episode- the next waves of throbbing pain- get too much for him to continue to act normally he staggers off to some isolated corner and waits for it to stop or for himself to fall unconscious.)

(He wonders if it will ever stop. It probably won’t.)

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! so this was my first fic so please leave some critiques if you have any. thanks for reading.


End file.
